The One About the Toddler Poop

Warning: this entire post is about toddler poop.  Stories about blowout toddler poop are nowhere near as cute as stories about blowout newborn poops.  There are photos, but I promise that none of them are of the poop itself.  Except maybe one.  But you can't tell there's poop in it, I promise, it just happens to be there.  And if you stick this one out you will definitely appreciate however you spent your own evening, and you may just get a laugh or two out of it (or you may call your doctor immediately to schedule an appointment to get your tubes tied).

Well, if the title of this post and that disclaimer didn't turn you away, I guess nothing will.  Bravo!  Just remember, I had to live this, so the least you can do is read about it.

To dive right in - Joe has had some lovely and intense diarrhea for over a week. No fever, no sickness, nothing else.  Just liquid poo, multiple times a day and sometimes overnight.  And always when he wakes up in the morning.  Super fun, sexy, and glamorous.  Poor Joe.

So have you heard about the big cantaloupe/listeria problems that have been going on lately around these parts?  Since my mom listens to NPR religiously and may actually have a crush on Diane Rehm, I am always very up to date on newsworthy national issues like cantaloupe virus outbreaks.  Turns out that people are actually dying of this one, though, so it matters, and is scary.  One of the symptoms of cantaloupe-related listeria is frequent, eh hem, liquid poo -- and the symptoms can take up to 70 days to show themselves.  Of course, a few weeks ago, Joe had some cantaloupe at my mom's house.  Add NPR melodrama to paranoid grandma, sprinkle in a few drops of actual symptoms, and you have a kind of freaked out mama.

Since today marked the eighth straight day of liquidity, and in light of my aforementioned freaked-outedness (and since I could practically hear my mother wringing her hands through the phone every time we talked), I figured it was about time to get him into the doctor to get this output issue checked out.  Fortunately, the doctor found no obvious issues, and the lack of other side effects means it's safe to say that he doesn't have any of the really scary stuff (including listeria. phew.).

Unfortunately, because there are no obvious issues, they have to test for non-obvious issues.  And how, you ask, do they test for non-obvious poop-related issues?  Why, stool samples, of course!  The doctor sent me home with a whole goody bag full of stuff to collect the next burst of poo in.

Because timing on stuff like this is always perfect, John's got trial tomorrow morning and is working late tonight.  So I'm home alone with the kiddos.  Perfect night to have to collect poop, wouldn't you say?  Right around bathtime, the evening burst I'd been waiting for reared its ugly head.  It was time to gird my loins and go poop hunting. 

Here are the tools of my poop-hunting trade:

Six vials in which I am supposed to trap the poop.  Only three are pictured, but please be clear, there are six of these that I had to fill.  I guess Joe had some part in filling them too, but I intend to take as much credit here as I can.

Three tongue depressors with which to scoop the poop.  Seriously.  I had to scoop the poop into those tiny vials with these tongue depressors.  Let that one soak in.  So to speak.

Thank goodness for gloves.  But why do they make these medical gloves thin enough that you can feel everything you're touching and doing?  I would have preferred some seriously industrial construction worker gloves or something.  I mean come on, this wasn't exactly precision work.  But they got the job done.

So, I captured the poop.  I won't go into the details of that unforgettable 10 minutes of my life, but let's just say that it was, for lack of a better term, gut-wrenching.  Especially with a fussy 3 month old and a hyper 21 month old hanging about.  Unfortunately, despite my somewhat heroic efforts, the evening burst wasn't prolific enough to fill all six vials.  Still got four to go tomorrow.

Final question I will pose to you: What do you do with a poo sample that you capture in the evening, after the doctor's office has closed?  Poo is already mucho bacteria-laden, but it doesn't seem right to just leave it sitting on the bathroom counter overnight.  But does it seem more right to put it in the fridge with all the food the entire family eats every day?  A thinker, isn't it.  Kind of like a weird law school hypo, but for med students.  (Remember when I said this post would at least make you glad you weren't me?  This is that moment.  Enjoy.) 

John and I debated the merits of each approach and ultimately settled on putting the poo in the fridge and throwing out just about everything else in there tomorrow.  Because that's what parents do.  We make sure our kid's poo is safely maintained in the fridge overnight so that we don't screw up the sample.  If fridge-poo isn't love, I don't know what is.

(This is the picture with the poop in it.  But see, you can't see it, can you!)

Needless to say, I think I may be getting the Mom of the Week award for the second week in a row.  I can say with certainty that I definitely earned this beer.

And two cookies.  And a few bites of cookie dough.  And a massage.

*Update: I'm sure you're dying to know what happened with the three remaining vials, right?  Well, you'll be happy to know that all were successfully filled the day after I posted.  My saint of a husband filled two of them at 5:30 in the morning (after he got home from work after 1:00am and got up to start working again at 6:30am), and I filled the last one later that day.  Of course, since then, Joe's poop has been normal.  Why wouldn't it be??  Sigh.

About Joe

Any of you who have met Joe know that he's generally a pretty shy, reserved kid.  He doesn't usually run around crazily or bounce off the walls; he's way too particular for all that mess.  His favorite things to do are mostly to move puzzle pieces into and out of puzzles, and stack things.  Exhibit A.

Stacking and un-stacking these containers kept Joe busy for an hour this morning.

Don't get me wrong, he still has the attention span of a stressed-out flea - he just doesn't need to put on a big show about it.  His chillness even goes so far that his preschool teachers all told me that they were shocked and excited to see him laughing and playing with a ball one day in school, and that they wished they had a camera because he never shows that much emotion.  A little odd?  Maybe, but he's just a super introvert.  Usually.

Well, none of you have met Crazy Bathtime Man, one of my sweet, meticulous Joe's alternate personalities.  Crazy Bathtime Man will make an special guest appearance in a later post, once I'm able to capture his full insanity on camera. But here's a sneak preview.

Yesterday, we busted out the ol' Bumbo, since Ian will be ready to use it before we know it. Remember how Joe couldn't fit into it back when he was a baby? Well, turns out he just needed to get a little more proportional. 

Ultra-safe Bumbo bedsitting session with Crazy Bathtime Man.  What's even safer is that he was bouncing back and forth on it while it was on the bed, which you can kind of see from the picture on the left.  So glad I was snapping photos instead of protecting him from the inevitable fall.

I got him to stand still just long enough to take this photo, then he was back off to the races. 

By the way, can you tell how badly he needs a haircut? We are in serious bowl cut + mullet city these days. Sorry Joe. 

More on Crazy Bathtime Man in the future.

My Loves: Michelin and Staypuft

Ian had his two month doctor's appointment yesterday.  Where, incidentally, I walked in with a cell phone but out without one.  So some ritzy Highland Park toddler has an awesome new iPhone 4 that mommy pretended not to watch him swipe.  Grr.

But, sigh, that's neither here nor there. The doctor told us that Ian is perfectly healthy and happy.  Funny how reassuring an uneventful doctor's appointment can be.

Anyway, going through all these baby milestones with Ian, I can't help but compare everything to my experience with Joe.  From my perspective, they are completely different kids, in every way you could think to list - looks, personality, baby-type skeelz, everything.  But most people who see Ian always express shock at how different he looks from Joe.  Which I sort of understand, since Joe's blonde hair and blue eyes are pretty milkman for our family. 

But really, Ian really looks a whole lot like Joe did at this age.

Joe at about Ian's age (by the way, see that blanket to his left?  in bed with him every night now.) 

 

 

Ian at about Ian's age

Okay, they aren't twins.  This may not be the best picture of Ian to use, since Joe still doesn't smile this much.  But gimme a break, my phone got stolen, I don't have many options.  Mostly I just wanted to show that Joe had dark hair and dark eyes for quite awhile.  So, success.

But the way my two perfect little boys are the same: they are huge babies.  Both were above the 95th percentile height and weight at this age.   I feel most of your eyes glazing over when you see the word "percentile."  Mommy talk alert.  But think about it: that means that more than 95% of babies Ian's age are smaller than him.  Or, think about it the way I do nowadays: 95% of moms are lugging significantly less weight into Market Street and Target every day than I am.  Ouch.  John's aunt Katy put it best: they are my little Michelin and Staypuft men.  Yum.

(Joe, by the way, isn't huge anymore -- he's about the 75th/85th percentiles now.  Coincidentally, this shift began right around the time he could walk.  Or, putting it differently, it began right around the time I didn't have to lug him everywhere anymore.  Typical.)

So Joe and Ian are both fluffy.  But, to me, that's where the similarities stop.  Point: I'm already learning what all parents of multiples say.  Each kid is so, so different from the others.  Sometimes it's easy to think you're a pro at being a parent (at least of a newborn) because you've already done it once.  But the fact is that each kid has totally different needs, totally different desires, totally different interactions with you -- basically, each kid is completely unique.  Already, Ian's personality is becoming clear.  Joe is my little shy, coy introvert.  I think Ian is going to be his total foil - an outgoing, troublesome little thunderstorm (as John likes to call him).  Here's to hoping.

Catching Up

John and I have been very busy the last few weeks--with work, Joe's baptism, family visits and vacations, and, of course, Joe!--so I'll spend the next few posts trying to catch you all up on our happenings of late.

1. Joe gets baptized!
A few weekends ago, we had family in town from across the country (literally) for Joe's baptism. His godparents were Megan, my sister (who flew in from Vermont) and Patrick, John's cousin (who flew in from Washington state). Of course, my parents and siblings and John's parents and siblings were there, too. And some very good friends who went out of their way to support us and Joe!

As for how the baptism went...as I've said before, it went as well as any event featuring four infants can go! Though the spectators have sworn otherwise, I swear Joe was the loudest baby there. He screamed and fussed and did not want to be in his oh-so-dapper outfit. I felt like I'd been run over by a truck by the end of it! But he was quiet at the key times, so I guess that's all that matters.


Afterward, we all headed out to my parents' house in Keller for some pool and grill time. Joe loved the pool, and loved hanging out with his fam!






2. We visit Galveston!
This weekend, we loaded up the car with baby gear (it's crazy how much stuff a baby requires for a two night trip!) and headed down to Galveston for a Moore mini-family reunion. I must admit was I was dreading the car ride down, but in the end Joe was pretty good. Better than the baptism, at least....

When we finally arrived, Joe got to meet tons of family that he'd never met before, including his great-grandmother and lots of aunts, uncles, and cousins. On Saturday, he had a great time watching the World Cup with the boys then hanging out with the family at the Simmons' beach house.







And he got to make his first trip to the beach with mom and dad!



























3. Joe eats real food!
So, for the last few weeks, Joe has been getting visibly excited by real grown up food. Whenever anyone eats real food in his presence, he gasps and coos, gets very wiggly and, as John's grandmother put it, "stares daggers" at anyone the eater for daring to refuse him a bite. This weekend in Galveston he was especially interested, so we decided to try giving him some real baby solids (he hated the rice cereal) last night. He loved it and gobbled it right up (big shocker there!).



Of course, the obligatory baby-covered-in-food pictures.


4. Oh, and he can sit up on his own, too!

I sure did LOVE being pregnant!

Okay, any of you were within complaining distance of me during my pregnancy knows that, despite the title of this post, I really did not like being pregnant. But today, in light of some recent conversations with friends and family, I started feeling a little nostalgic for my lovely pregnancy days (ha, ha)...and since the only computer that works to post videos is currently out of commission, I figured I'd use this post to do a quick summary of my pregnancy!!


MONTH 1 (April)
During the first month of my pregnancy, I was finishing up law school -- going to law prom, taking finals...not a good time to be the most tired I've ever been in my entire life!!




MONTH 2 (May)
Still exhausted, and still taking finals. But I did graduate from law school, which meant I got to wear this lovely Chef Boyardee outfit (highly appropriate, since I was putting on more and more yummy fat every day...!):





MONTH 3 (June)
Serious bar studying begins! I had some pretty terrible morning sickness by this point, which was NOT enhanced by the hotness of summer. Getting into that burning hot car every morning to go sit in a barbeque restaurant to learn about wills, trusts, oil and gas, tax, so on and so on? Not so good for a mama-to-be. Also not good when the bathroom doesn't have doors, so everyone can hear you...being pregnant in the bathroom. Sorry fellow bar studiers!!







MONTH 4 (July)
Month four = a serious blur. Bar studying was in full-on crazy mode. Not a time I care to look back on! But this was the month we found out officially that Joe was a boy. I say "officially" because I took some silly pee test for the baby's gender, and it said boy. No pictures of me at this time...they wouldn't have been pretty, as the three-week period before the bar is one of the darkest times of a lawyer's life! But at least I was feeling better. Joe let me focus on the bar rather than my topsy-turvy stomach!



MONTH 5 (August)
BAR TAKEN! John and I (and Joe, of course!) took a vacation to Costa Rica with some good friends from law school. I was glad Joe got to take his first international trip so soon! And today, he LOVES to chew on his little "I <3 Costa Rica" stuffed turtle that we bought him so that he'd "remember" his trip. By this point I was feeling great -- no fat belly yet, no more morning sickness (at least for awhile), and NO MORE BAR!








MONTH 6 (September)
Easiest pregnancy month of all. I still wasn't really "showing" at this point...not until about the end of the seventh month could anyone really notice I was pregnant. But I remember feeling Joe move for the first time during the sixth month; just a little flutter at first, but pretty soon he was doing cartwheels and somersaults all day long!


MONTH 7 (October)
Another low key month. But I did take advantage of my pregnancy in my Halloween costume. Can you tell who I am? Probably not, but would it help if I told you I stuffed by butt with cotton filling? I was Kourtney Kardashian (who was also very pregnant at the time)! Oh so classy, right? But this is the first picture of a really visible baby bump! Oh, the good old days.









MONTH 8 (November)
Starting to get pretty big! The biggest thing about November -- we got our results, and John and I both PASSED the Bar!! After all the anticipation leading up to taking the test and then waiting for results, I can safely tell you I've never had a more relieving day in my life (even the day I gave birth!). We also went to a friend's wedding this month, so Joe made his first trip to San Antonio. And my wonderfully understanding husband got me these awesome boots, since I was so sad that they don't make any cute preggers clothes!









MONTH 9 (December)
Counting down the days! I spent most of this month concerned that I was going into labor, since the doctor told me around December 9 that I was getting close! Just ask my mom and Katie Rubick, who fielded all my freaked-out phone calls. Joe was also getting so big that he was causing me a few problems...like getting stuck sitting on the bathroom tub because he was resting on a nerve! Thank you, dear husband, for forever memorializing this oh-so-flattering moment (you might notice that he took a photo before he helped me up!):










MONTH 10 (January)
For these last few weeks, it felt like Joe was a full-grown person inside of me. Every movement was...an experience, and things started to go all National Geographic all over the place. Oh, and very importantly, Texas lost the National Championship game. But I did manage to make it all the way through that incredibly stressful game without sending myself into labor!







JANUARY 17, 2010 (Sunday)
Joe is born! My water broke on Saturday at about noon...while I was on the elliptical at the gym! Fortunately there was no one there but John and me. Crazily, I had actually forced John to get up and go with me that morning. I hassled him all day that I didn't want to be at the gym alone in case my water broke -- even though my due date wasn't for another week. How funny that it did break that day!

So I showered, ate lunch, got the house organized, and finally got to the hospital at about 2:00pm. My mom was in the process of jumping on the first plane she could -- which didn't leave until very early Sunday morning! But that turned out to be great timing. I hung out at the hospital all day on Saturday without feeling a single contraction...until about 1:00am. When I finally did feel my first contraction, it was definitely zero to sixty! The contractions started at full-on pain level, and after about thirty minutes of that loveliness, I got my epidural. After that, I dozed on and off for the rest of the evening, until the doctor came in at about 8:00am and said it was finally time to push. I pushed for about an hour and a half (probably the fastest hour and a half of my life!), and finally out came my wonderful little son! Born 8oz even at 9:15am on January 17. Alas, the day the Cowboys lost to the ViQueens in the playoffs. You're bad Cowboys AND Longhorns luck, Joe! ;)







By the way, notice how I have my son cradled lovingly in one arm, but my water cup is proudly and possessively grasped in the other?? They wouldn't let me drink any water while I was pushing, and I have never been so thirsty in my life. I wasn't putting that water glass down for ANYTHING.


So there it is! My pregnancy in a nutshell. More pictures and videos of Joe to come soon.